Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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