I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
