Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm at about main and main street
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
