ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
