You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
