toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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