I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize