i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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