dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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