What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
