I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Just invented taco cereal.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
