I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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