it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
