My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
What a dumb baby whore.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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