im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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