Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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