The brown eye won't let me do that either.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize