Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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