some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
