i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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