and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
