I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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