woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
