I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I skipped work to stalk him.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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