Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
