Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
