I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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