Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
