Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
