I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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