Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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