"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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