remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
