There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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