Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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