Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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