Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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