everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
