I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
