i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
