she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
