I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
