i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
