Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Randomize
