Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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