my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
