Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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