the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
