dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize