Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
