Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
