i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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