Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Randomize
