How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
