first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
