people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
