I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
