I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize