So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
