I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
