I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize