I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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