Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
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