Umm I'm too high to move.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
