What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
