This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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