Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
