I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize