So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
