Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
