It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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