I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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