You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
