brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
