I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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