careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
