we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We don't watch enough power rangers
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
