Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
