Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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