Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Randomize
